This past year has been one of extreme soul and mind bending struggles. Set aside the emotional baggage and trials. For some reason my doctor saw fit to switch me from one thyroid medication to another, dropping the dose by over half. No titration. Cold turkey. Which might be okay IF I had a thyroid and a non-fussy system. What occurred after was my own personal journey through Hell. My TSH shot way up into dangerous zone (which translates into nothing land). Trapped in this skin as everything preceded to shut down.  You cannot live without thyroid hormones. Your thyroid is your master glad. Without it you lose bone density, your heart stops, and/or you go into a very painful coma. I was there, right on the edge. To simply cease to exist was all I could "do". Though some days it seemed I might need to have my will in order. I found someone to take my children if I did, indeed, die.  I was that close. Obviously, I didn't. And I count my blessing daily. BUT my brain has been sorely damaged and my dosage has yet to be corrected, though it is a million times better today than it was a year ago. I am still struggling to maintain. Life is a blur and I still physically hurt because lack of proper thyroid hormones. At least I don't feel myself slipping away anymore. Trying to juggle all that depends on me (my three boys and surviving) and heal what *I* can is top priority. Besides the thyroid medication, which is out of my hands, I am trying to feed my body better foods on an extremely limited budget.  We were given some raw cashews by my sister-in-law. I have been making cashew milk. I must say it has become my favorite "milk". You can use it in nearly anything cream based. Life for us is basic. Everything is stripped down to necessity. While being financially poor is not fun it does have a lot to teach us. And I have learned more than I can even begin to write about. In ways I am grateful to have a different perspective on life and living. Enjoying the simplest of drinks, such as free cashew milk, brings a smile to my lips.  And that is what life is about. Enjoying the ride and doing our best. Even if it is small and all we can do is not fade away. I hope to continue to heal myself. I have a long list of dreams and hopes and must does. See, I have three boys and they are my world and I am their captain. And I have to be in better health for their sakes, too. So, go ahead. Enjoy a cold glass of cashew milk on me. Adding chocolate and a hint of honey ain't bad, either.